SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
