i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
