and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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