One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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