so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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