two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
