Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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