Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
