Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
