I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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