he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
