Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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