I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
