You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
