i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
