Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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