No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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