i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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