just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
