if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
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