What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
