I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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