Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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