So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
