the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
