Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
