I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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