why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
