Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i think i have two assholes
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
