Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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