I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
