Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
