im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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