So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
