she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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