so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
