Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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