you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
