My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
