I got chris browned last night
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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