I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
