I look better un-naked...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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