This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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