just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I need water and some morals
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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