Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
