So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
