Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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