i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
