so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize