There is too much vodka and too much dick.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
