i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize