This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
