So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Randomize
