I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
