the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
