Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
