Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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