so that wasnt chicken after all
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
