theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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