Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
