my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Four minutes until I can fart!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
