I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
