Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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