You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize