Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
