She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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