AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
