he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
how does that bad decision feel?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
